yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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