So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
