I faked an abortion last night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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