if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
