The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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