My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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