some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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