Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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