when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
