is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
