why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
