I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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