who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
