She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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