I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
