His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
third nipple confirmed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
