I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
