so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
