i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
