Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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