Well douche your snatch and let's go!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
