She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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