You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
