it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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