Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
