Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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