____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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