Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
