i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
