Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
