At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
