she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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