The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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