I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
