So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
