actually, I'm a sock model
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
