break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
