does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize