i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
