I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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