Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
