I think my vagina is haunted
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
