You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
