Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
