I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to align my fucking chakras
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
