After last night, I could never be a politician.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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