Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
