i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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