You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
