I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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