Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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