I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
