He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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