Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
