captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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