What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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