is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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