I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
