Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
