I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
