i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
