so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
