16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
