I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
