Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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