i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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