Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
